Quick Funny Jokes Biography
Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.
Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!
Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.
Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.
Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.
Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.
Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.
Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
A. He left his foot on the accelerator.
Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!
Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!
Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.
Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.
Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
A. Soup.
Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.
Q. What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A. Football.
Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.
Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A. A refund.
Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. The koala forgot to let go.
Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A. Don't ask her out again.
Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no fucking eye deer.
Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.
Q. What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A. Cum in five different flavours.
Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy
Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!
Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!
Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
In 1994, Nealon hosted the 13 part series Amazing America on the Discovery Channel.
In 2002, Nealon hosted The Conspiracy Zone on The New TNN for 26 episodes plus an unaired pilot.
Nealon appeared as a couples counselor on the sitcom, 3rd Rock from the Sun. He had a small cameo appearance in the 2008 film Get Smart.
Nealon also hosted the World's Funniest Commercials on TBS. In a performance similar to Bob Saget, Nealon tells corny jokes in between each funny commercial. In 2008, a book authored by Nealon chronicling his experiences during his wife's pregnancy called Yes, You're Pregnant, But What About Me? was released.
Nealon played Stuart Pearson in the adventure comedy movie Aliens in the Attic. Shooting took place in Auckland, New Zealand.
Nealon married actress Susan Yeagley on September 3, 2005 in Bellagio, Italy. Yeagley gave birth to their first child, son Gable Ness Nealon, on January 29, 2007 in Santa Monica, California.
Nealon played rugby for Connecticut Yankees RFC.
On February 22, 2006, Nealon contributed a story to the New York Times about being wiretapped by Hollywood private investigator Anthony Pellicano, who has been indicted on racketeering and conspiracy charges. It was also revealed in a separate court case on February 27, 2006, that investigators working for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus may also have targeted Nealon for wiretapping.He has been a vegetarian for 18 years due to animal cruelty and the health benefits. He lives in the Los Angeles area.
He is an avid golfer and poker player and also plays banjo and guitar. He also claims to be fluent in German, having lived in Germany for four years.
Activism
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Quick Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
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