Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults : Dirty Jokes For Adults Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Dirty Jokes For Adults Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults

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Dirty Jokes For Adults Biography

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar
Hot 4 months agoby Tats

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Cucumber, Pickle & Penis
Hot 4 months ago

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me in a salad.
The Penis says, "You think that your lives are tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room, and force me to do push-ups until I puke and pass out!

A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.

That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis."

The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge.

The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. "We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,' Hey, this looks like yours!'"
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Philippe the Fighter Pilot
Hot 3 months ago

Philippe, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Philippe and says,' Philippe, kiss me!'
Philippe grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Philippe?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Philippe the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!'
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up little, Marie says,' Philippe, kiss me lower.'
Philippe tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest.
'Philippe! What are you doing?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Philippe the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!'
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers,' Philippe, kiss me lower!'
Our hero rips off her panties, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,' PHILIPPE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?'
Our hero stands up, grins defiantly, and says,' I am Philippe the fighter pilot! And when I go down, I go down in flames!'