Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults : 100 Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults

Tuesday 1 July 2014

100 Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults

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100 Funny Jokes Biography

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno

Q. Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A. Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien

Q. What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A. A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno

Q. What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A. One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman

Q. If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it
started to sink, who would be saved?
A. America!
--Jimmy Fallon

Q. What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A. Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel

Q. What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A. It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

Q. Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?
A. He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney.

Q. How can you spot Al Gore in a bunch of Secret Service agents?
A. He's the stiff one.
Sergeant Jones was doing a drill one morning when a letter was given to him. Sergeant stood up and shouted, "PRIVATE WILLIAMS STAND UP!.....YOUR MOTHER HAS DIED!" Private Williams immediately bawled into tears and fainted. Sergeant Smith told Sergeant Jones, "You should have broken the news to him nicer....he wouldn't have been so upset." Two months had passed, Sergeant Jones was running another drill and he received another letter which stated that Private Williams' father had died, and then he thought for a minute and then shouted, "EVERYONE WHOSE FATHER IS ALIVE, TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD" and so they did, and then Sergeant Jones shouted, "PRIVATE WILLIAMS... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment." An alligator came in the room and bit the seargents penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off.

"Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the Seargent. A man put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."

During training exercises, the Lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest." 19 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man "why didn't you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble, sarge."
FREEZER BAGS
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TIRES
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

HOURGLASS
An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...