Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults : Funny English Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults

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Funny English Jokes Biography

Tom Marvolo Riddle (31 December, 1926– 2 May, 1998), later known as Lord Voldemort, was a half-blood wizard and considered to be the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time. He was the son of wealthy Muggle Tom Riddle Sr., and witch Merope Gaunt, who died shortly after childbirth. He was the heir of Salazar Slytherin and was ordered to finish his work. Tom Riddle Sr. left his wife soon after she became pregnant with their son, having been released from the enchantment of a love potion which had started their relationship. Their son, Tom Marvolo Riddle, was born and raised in a Muggle orphanage, but eventually attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (1938-1945) and was sorted into Slytherin house. Tom Riddle was the most talented pupil to ever attend Hogwarts. To the school at large he appeared to be an exceedingly handsome and polite child. In reality, however, Riddle was cruel, arrogant, sadistic, manipulative, psychopathic and megalomaniacal. Having achieved outstanding grades in every examination he took, Riddle left Hogwarts and went on to a brief employment at Borgin and Burkes, before disappearing from public view completely.

Having embraced the Dark Arts he encountered in his travels, the former Tom Riddle, now known exclusively as Lord Voldemort, raised an enormous army comprised of followers he recruited both at school and afterwards, as well as many dark creatures. This army, known as the Death Eaters, began a campaign of terror and violence never before seen in Britain. After hearing half of a prophecy referring to a single being with the power to destroy him, Voldemort set off to kill Harry Potter, to whom he believed the prophecy referred. After murdering Harry's parents, Lily and James, Voldemort turned his wand upon the boy, but due to Lily Potter's loving sacrifice, Voldemort's curse backfired on him and his body was destroyed. Stripped of his physical form, Voldemort fled to a far-flung forest in Albania, to await the day when he could regain a body and return to power. After thirteen years of waiting that day would finally arrive, and with the use of Potter’s own blood, the Dark Lord rose again.

Although he initially laid low, Voldemort was soon forced into the open, and began his bloody conquest of the wizarding world anew. After two years of constant warfare, Voldemort finally gained control of the Ministry of Magic, and ruled relatively unopposed, save for a few pockets of resistance. Despite his hold over the country, Voldemort was still unsatisfied, as he had yet to remove the danger the prophecy presented to him. After learning of Potter's location, Voldemort set out to destroy the boy at once and for all launching his entire amassed force against Hogwarts. Upon arriving at the school, Voldemort was met by a full scale rebellion of Hogwarts staff and students, along with the members of the Order of the Phoenix and the residents of Hogsmeade. As the battle progressed the Death Eaters were driven into the Great Hall, where Voldemort engaged Harry Potter in a duel, and, because all of his Horcruxes were destroyed, Tom Marvolo Riddle was finally killed once and for all.

Tom Riddle's mutilated soul was then trapped in limbo for eternity, unable to move on or return as a ghost.

Jokes have been a part of human culture since at least 1900 BC. According to research conducted by Dr Paul McDonald of the University of Wolverhampton, a fart joke from ancient Sumer is currently believed to be the world's oldest known joke. Britain's oldest joke, meanwhile, is a 1,000-year-old double-entendre that can be found in the Codex Exoniensis.

A recent discovery of a document called Philogelos (The Laughter Lover) gives us an insight into ancient humour. Written in Greek by Hierocles and Philagrius, it dates to the third or fourth century AD, and contains some 260 jokes. Considering humour from our own culture as recent as the 19th century is at times baffling to us today, the humour is surprisingly familiar. They had different stereotypes: the absent-minded professor, the eunuch, and people with hernias or bad breath were favourites. A lot of the jokes play on the idea of knowing who characters are:

A barber, a bald man and an absent minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

There is even a joke similar to Monty Python's "Dead Parrot" sketch: a man buys a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the slave merchant, he is told: "He didn't die when I owned him." Comic Jim Bowen has presented them to a modern audience. "One or two of them are jokes I've seen in people's acts nowadays, slightly updated. They put in a motor car instead of a chariot - some of them are Tommy Cooper-esque."