Tuesday 1 July 2014
Picture Fokes For Adults Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
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Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
(Sourec.google.com.pk)
guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley fan).
That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his
girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's
going to meet them and figures it will make a big
impression. When
the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs
her boyfriend's arm.
"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you
something about my parents before we go in. When we
eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who
says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle
of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the family room, another huge stack of dishes.
Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere
he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and,
sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take
advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses
his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides
to reach over
and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but
still they keep quiet.
So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her
naked, and they make love right on the dinner table.
Still, no one says a word.
"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he
grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her
right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend
realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better
take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline
from his
pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All
right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."
We never end a sentence with a preposition
Hot 1 month ago
IN America's dozen Ivy League Universities, on top of the list come Yale and Harvard or perhaps Harvard followed by Yale. By and large America does not have an upper class accent distinct from that of commoners as is heard in England. The only exception is Harvard which has imbibed some of Boston's
Brahmanical air of superiority by its distinct upper class speech.
This one is told of a freshman who asked a senior student: "Can you tell me where the library is at?"
The senior snubbed him, "At Harvard, we never end a sentence with a preposition."
The freshman had a second go: "Can you tell me where the library is at, you asshole?"
A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again. She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them. She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"
Tell Me A Funny Joke Biography
Aguy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley fan).
That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his
girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's
going to meet them and figures it will make a big
impression. When
the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs
her boyfriend's arm.
"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you
something about my parents before we go in. When we
eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who
says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle
of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the family room, another huge stack of dishes.
Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere
he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and,
sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take
advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses
his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides
to reach over
and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but
still they keep quiet.
So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her
naked, and they make love right on the dinner table.
Still, no one says a word.
"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he
grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her
right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend
realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better
take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline
from his
pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All
right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."
We never end a sentence with a preposition
Hot 1 month ago
IN America's dozen Ivy League Universities, on top of the list come Yale and Harvard or perhaps Harvard followed by Yale. By and large America does not have an upper class accent distinct from that of commoners as is heard in England. The only exception is Harvard which has imbibed some of Boston's
Brahmanical air of superiority by its distinct upper class speech.
This one is told of a freshman who asked a senior student: "Can you tell me where the library is at?"
The senior snubbed him, "At Harvard, we never end a sentence with a preposition."
The freshman had a second go: "Can you tell me where the library is at, you asshole?"
A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again. She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them. She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
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Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Tell Me A Funny Joke Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
(Sourec.google.com.pk)
Very Funny Jokes Short Biography
Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A: a POPsicle! Q: How do fathers exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. Q: How do you know your dad is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Q: How do you scare a divorced dad? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! Q: Why don't some fathers have a mid-life crisis? A: They're stuck in adolescence. Q: Why are Fathers like parking spaces? A: The good ones are already taken! Q: What is the definition of Mass Confusion? A: Fathers Day in the ghetto. Q: What do toys and boobs have in common? A: Both are made for children but it's the fathers who play with them most. Father: Let me see your report card. Son: I don’t have it. Father: Why not? Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don’t know son, I’m still paying." Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card! Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell. Dad: "Hey babe, you smell that?" Mom: "No." Dad: "Me neither, start cooking." Dad, you’re someone to look up to no matter how tall I’ve grown. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow. Well, an iPad would be nice for Father's Day, but I'd settle for 20 minutes of damn silence. Magician Jake: What does your father do for a living? Matt: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Jake: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Matt: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother. Bugs "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" asked the boy. "Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy said. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone." Texas Baby A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just gave birth to their first child "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 24 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of "Wow!" Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "18 pounds." The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 24 pounds at birth." The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised." Dear Dad An old father living alone in the country wanted to plant his pepper garden, but the ground was too hard and he was too old to do the work. His only son who use to help him was in prison for robbing a bank. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation: "Dear Jake, I’ve been very depressed lately because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my peppers this year. You know how much your mother loved planting peppers this time of year, but I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would have been over. I know you would have been happy to dig the plot for me." Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: "Dear Dad, Don’t dig up that garden! That’s where I buried the THINGS!" Love, Jake At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area looking for the THINGS. They apologized to the old man after not finding anything and left. The next day the old man received another letter from his son. "Dear Dad, Happy Fathers Day! Go ahead and plant your peppers now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances." Love, Jake Fathead A son and his dad walk into a bar and the dads says to the son. "What do you want fathead?" The son stumbles on his words and the father again says, "What do you want fathead?" A lady close by says, "why do you keep calling your son fat head". And he replies, "Well lady there are 3 things a man has to have in his life to be a successful man. Number one you got to have a big truck, see my truck over There? Biggest truck in the county. Second. You got to have a big house. See that house down up the street? That's mine, the house biggest house in the county. And thirdly you have to have a tight pussy, and I had one till this fathead came along.
Very Funny Jokes Short Biography
Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A: a POPsicle! Q: How do fathers exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. Q: How do you know your dad is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Q: How do you scare a divorced dad? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! Q: Why don't some fathers have a mid-life crisis? A: They're stuck in adolescence. Q: Why are Fathers like parking spaces? A: The good ones are already taken! Q: What is the definition of Mass Confusion? A: Fathers Day in the ghetto. Q: What do toys and boobs have in common? A: Both are made for children but it's the fathers who play with them most. Father: Let me see your report card. Son: I don’t have it. Father: Why not? Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don’t know son, I’m still paying." Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card! Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell. Dad: "Hey babe, you smell that?" Mom: "No." Dad: "Me neither, start cooking." Dad, you’re someone to look up to no matter how tall I’ve grown. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow. Well, an iPad would be nice for Father's Day, but I'd settle for 20 minutes of damn silence. Magician Jake: What does your father do for a living? Matt: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Jake: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Matt: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother. Bugs "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" asked the boy. "Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy said. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone." Texas Baby A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just gave birth to their first child "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 24 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of "Wow!" Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "18 pounds." The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 24 pounds at birth." The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised." Dear Dad An old father living alone in the country wanted to plant his pepper garden, but the ground was too hard and he was too old to do the work. His only son who use to help him was in prison for robbing a bank. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation: "Dear Jake, I’ve been very depressed lately because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my peppers this year. You know how much your mother loved planting peppers this time of year, but I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would have been over. I know you would have been happy to dig the plot for me." Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: "Dear Dad, Don’t dig up that garden! That’s where I buried the THINGS!" Love, Jake At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area looking for the THINGS. They apologized to the old man after not finding anything and left. The next day the old man received another letter from his son. "Dear Dad, Happy Fathers Day! Go ahead and plant your peppers now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances." Love, Jake Fathead A son and his dad walk into a bar and the dads says to the son. "What do you want fathead?" The son stumbles on his words and the father again says, "What do you want fathead?" A lady close by says, "why do you keep calling your son fat head". And he replies, "Well lady there are 3 things a man has to have in his life to be a successful man. Number one you got to have a big truck, see my truck over There? Biggest truck in the county. Second. You got to have a big house. See that house down up the street? That's mine, the house biggest house in the county. And thirdly you have to have a tight pussy, and I had one till this fathead came along.
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Very Funny Jokes Short Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
(Sourec.google.com.pk)
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote...
"They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead".
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?
"Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
"Hello, And Welcome"........
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you."
....Thank you!
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
"But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
"One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
"Oh! that's no reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
"Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?"
"One, you are fifty-two years old. Two, you are the principal !"
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
At a Tyre Retailer:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcomed! Dog food is expensive."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
actual call centre conversations :
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Caller(enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
'Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. Now I know why they record these conversations!.....)
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing?'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Caller: 'No.
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!
True.......
A pair of robbers entered a music shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Short Really Funny Jokes Biography
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote...
"They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead".
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?
"Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
"Hello, And Welcome"........
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you."
....Thank you!
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
"But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
"One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
"Oh! that's no reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
"Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?"
"One, you are fifty-two years old. Two, you are the principal !"
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
At a Tyre Retailer:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcomed! Dog food is expensive."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
actual call centre conversations :
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Caller(enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
'Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. Now I know why they record these conversations!.....)
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing?'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Caller: 'No.
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!
True.......
A pair of robbers entered a music shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
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