Short Really Funny Jokes Biography
Dick (explicit)Hot 3 months agoby
IKICKASS
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice fuking bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
A smart blonde, a blonde, and santa...
Hot 3 months ago
A smart blonde, a blonde, and a Santa Clause jumped off a bridge at the same time. which one hit the ground first?
The blonde! The other two don't exist!
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Santa's Dream
Hot 2 months ago
Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "Pull"
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Who'll get the job??
Hot 2 months ago
4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job.
The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?"
Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all."
"Very good answer," said the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
"A blink," replied the Texan almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex."
"Good answer," replied the president.
Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately."
"That's a great answer," replied the president.
Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light... "
Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245
To: Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list!
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Heck, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!
6. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
7. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
8. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new barbie for next Christmas.
It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
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'Twas The Night Before Christmas
Hot 1 year ago
'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In A One Bedroom House Made Of
Plaster And Stone.
I Had Come Down The Chimney
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who
In This Home Did Live.
I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.
No Stocking By Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
And On The Wall Pictures
Of Far Distant Lands.
ith Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sobering Thought
Came To My Mind.
For This House Was Different,
So Dark And So Dreary,
The Home Of A Warrior,
Now I Could See Clearly.
The Warrior Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor
In This One Bedroom Home.
The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured
A United States warrior.
Was This The Hero
Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
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Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
Short Really Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty For Kids to tell at school for kids for teenagers for adults
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